Summer is here and singles are actively seeking partners to spend the summer with and possibly more. If you happen to be one of those singles, it’s helpful to know whether what we seek is realistic and what we offer is of value to those we seek. Often, people focus only on what they expect to get, not on what they bring to the relationship. To have healthy relationships, we need to look at both. Obviously, we don’t want a relationship with someone who isn’t compatible with who we are, but are we offering what that person is seeking?
I find it helpful for people to make a list of what they expect of a partner and what their partner can expect of them. Make sure that these list specific, measurable behaviors, not general feelings. Don’t say I offer love, but say what behaviors you offer that show love. These lists of specifics give us a clearer picture of what would be a quality relationship for us.
For those interested, I am willing to help you discover how a potential partner might see you. With my many years of experience working with relationships, I have discovered patterns that show the likelihood of people connecting in healthy relationships. Usually, we just make the most of whatever we fall into, as we are convinced that true love just happens and we have no control over it. In reality, we do have the ability to choose a healthy partner and to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with that person.
I am willing to help the first 20 singles that send me their lists of what they are seeking and what they are offering, at no cost. Also, let me know where you have been looking for potential partners. After I receive these lists, at healthyconnnection@gmail.com, I will send you a questionnaire to fill out. Using the information I get from your lists and questionnaire, I will send you my suggestions that might make your expectations more realistic and give you tools to enhance what you have to offer.
We all deserve to have healthy partnerships, but that starts with healthy connections. We undermine our objectives by focusing on limited traits that we find attractive and then manipulate or rationalize everything else, in order to convince ourselves that we’ve chosen a good partner. This pattern leads us to either feel stuck in an unfulfilling relationship or continue jumping from one relationship to another. Starting a relationship with a strong foundation will improve the likelihood of that relationship being fulfilling long-term. I hope that I’ll be able to help provide you with some tools that will help you find a healthy partner for you.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.