People enter relationships for various reasons, rarely considering all aspects of a relationship before committing. Only after the fact do we realize that much has been overlooked in preparing for that commitment. Obviously, the best time to address these issues is before the commitment, but the sooner issues are addressed, the greater likelihood you’ll see improvement before the pain becomes unbearable. Withholding your thoughts, feelings and desires, for fear of rocking the boat, will only leave you to feel frustrated in the future.
Are you satisfied with your relationship or do you believe that there could be realistic improvement? When partners truly care about each other and compatibility exists, fulfillment is possible. The key is teamwork. When one becomes self-focused, the other tends to become self-focused. Are you demanding what you want or addressing your partner’s desires? The more we address our partner, the more our partner will address us.
Identify your dream. Once you’ve determined that it is realistic within your present partnership, address this dream with your partner. Be open and honest; never expect your partner to read your mind. Dreams don’t just happen. We need to work with our partner, which requires communication and action. Show your partner how your dream will affect him or her. We need to understand anything that could be seen as change in our relationship. When we understand, we are more likely to actively participate in the process.
When your partner or you have a concern, does that concern become a priority for the other person, or just something to resent or tolerate? In healthy relationships, our concerns become priorities to our partner. Realize, though, that a pattern of negativity is like the boy who cried wolf; our partner becomes numb to our concerns. How we present our concerns will determine the likelihood of our partner hearing and caring. Ask yourself whether you would appreciate being on the receiving end of how you present your requests.
Focus on what you can do to set the stage for bringing positive change to your relationship. You are the trigger. What are you doing to enhance your relationship? For your relationship to be all it can be, we need to take an active role in making it happen. We get further when we have a roadmap to follow, especially when both partners are on the same path with the same goals. Be an active participant and then enjoy the results. Your relationship can be all you’ve ever desired.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.