As we approach the season of giving, we face the challenge of picking gifts that will have impact. Before we choose, we need to identify our true objective. People give out of obligation, desire to please or impact, to open doors or solidify relationships, to create memories or to show feelings. Without focusing on our objective, our results can be inconsistent.
We often ask people what they want to receive. After presenting their list, the only question is whether they will or won’t get what they requested. How does that address your objective? If they get what they wanted, there’s no surprise and the gift is taken for granted. If they don’t get what they wanted, they resent that you asked and then ignored what they requested, thinking, “don’t bother asking if you plan to ignore my response.”
Sometimes people decide to give the same gift to everyone, so that no one can claim preferential treatment. This is very impersonal, and no one likes to feel that they neither stand out, nor are seen as unique. A gift is a personal statement. By lumping everyone together, no one has any meaning, and the gifts are seen as obligations.
Sometimes people give others what they want to receive. This is also seen as a slap in the face and impersonal, totally ignoring the receiver’s individuality. Giving your partner a big-screen television, even though he/she is a bookworm and you’ll be the one watching, comes across as an excuse to buy yourself a gift. Giving your wife a coffee maker, because she makes lousy coffee, or giving your husband a toolset, because your car needs repair, will not be received very positively.
If you want to give a meaningful gift, spend the year being observant. By being observant, we’ll notice things that stand out, areas where they show interest, their preferences, things they value, things you discover they’d love to have but would never spend the money to buy. Research their interests, and you may discover related things that they didn’t even know existed. Make something, especially something personalized, as they’ll treasure it forever, knowing that you were thinking of them the entire time you were making it. When buying for a love interest, put some romance in your thoughts, yet make it appropriate. You probably don’t want your wife opening up a risqué teddy in front of your teenage daughter. Put some thought into your gifts and put yourself in the receiver’s place to determine whether it is appropriate, meaningful and appreciated. By paying attention all year, you won’t be rushed at the last minute to come up with ideas. I hope all your gifts are positively memorable. Happy holidays.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.