Another year is upon us and it is time to look back at the previous year and see what we can learn from our experiences. There is no such thing as bad experiences, as long as we learn from them. Bring the knowledge forward and leave the pain in the past. So what have we learned? What worked? What didn’t work? What do we want to accomplish? In most cases, working on ourselves led to the most accomplishment and fulfillment. When our goal is to change others or manipulate others, we generally feel the most disappointment and frustration.
When you do for others, are your actions conditional? We usually legitimize these expectations by convincing ourselves that these expectations are realistic. Anyone who cared would respond this way. If my partner loved me, my partner would know what I want and my expectations are realistic. How is it that your expectations are any more realistic than the other person’s expectations? Just because you’ve been taught something or it is familiar to you, does not mean that it will make sense to everyone. Look at things from the other person’s perspective rather than seeing things only from yours. You will generally enjoy the results much more. By being open to the other person’s perspective, we can actually discover things that add to our lives.
Did you have a plan last year, or did you stagnate or just wander until you fell into the next hole? Have a plan, but realize that you will probably be working with others who have a plan also, so be sensitive to their plans. Plans are more likely to be accomplished when a team effort exists, even if the plan affects only the planner. A personal goal to tone up will be most likely achieved if we commit to teamwork.
Focus on developing what you bring to each situation, not just focus on what you can get from it. The better the total package we bring, the better the results. Ask yourself what your particular talents or attributes are and how you can enhance them. Education, fine-tuning, broadening our focus, thinking outside the box and considering the thoughts and feelings of others can all help to improve our results.
This is a new year and you have a fresh start. What do you want to accomplish by the end of this year? Set realistic goals, use teamwork and focus on your assets rather than your liabilities. Focus on what you do want, not what you don’t want. It is easier to fill the void with positive than remove the negative. What you accomplish this year is totally dependent on your planning and follow-through. Make it healthy, happy and fulfilling.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.