“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” — Kahlil Gibran
Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorite authors and his quote rings true. I call this the “cracking of the slick veneer,” a time when things seem to be coming apart and the raw and vulnerable parts of us become exposed. A traumatic personal event such as the breakup of a relationship, loss of a job, loss of a loved one, or even the loss of a life dream can also be a trigger.
This is an emotionally painful and challenging time. Our outward persona of who we want others to think we are begins to crack and our true selves begin to emerge. It is painful because many of us don’t like that raw vulnerable part of ourselves showing itself to the world. We don’t like that part of ourselves and we don’t want anyone else to see it.
We may feel that if others knew that inner part of us they wouldn’t love us, want to be with us, have us work for them, and that they would turn away from us. We hide that part from the world because it is filled with shame, remorse, darkness and even hate for our own being.
I sometimes call this the “Shadow Side” of ourselves because it is a part we do not like to show to ourselves, or others. It isn’t flattering, admirable, respectful, or considerate. We might feel that if people would see the “real us” they would see what a “fake” we have been all along and how we have “fooled” them.
This part of us gets us in trouble when we excessively eat, shop, drink, smoke, use illegal drugs or any other behavior or activity we might use to “numb out.” Even excessive work or excessive exercise can be used to “numb out.” But this numbing of our inner self, that “Shadow Side” we don’t like or want to show anyone, will only be pushed further and deeper into our minds creating more havoc.
If you or someone you know seems to be emerging from that cracking slick veneer or shell that enclosed their shameful secret places, working with a trained clinician can help. The only way out is in. The only way out is through. The rewards are great and nothing beats feeling whole, integrated, authentic and healed!
Dr. Elena Michaels has been helping others find their true selves and heal for over 28 years. She is a Doctor of Natural Health, Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, founder of the Alliance For Collaborative Divorce, and Meditation and Personal Growth Facilitator.
For more information, please call 661-250-4395 or email Elena@DrElena.com .