I recently received an email from a man who asked how he could meet someone in this area without joining singles’ organizations or going to clubs. As I pondered my response, I thought about why we all feel the need to pair off – again. What motivates us? It occurred to me that defining our reasons for dating can determine success or failure. How we identify ourselves correlates directly to how successful our dating experiences can be. The problem I think most of us are having with meeting that special someone is that when we begin dating, our goals, on a deeper level, are left undefined. I don’t believe that in order to meet your “other half” you should start hitting the bars and Internet full speed with the goal of meeting just anyone. The way to meet your perfect match completely depends on why you’re looking in the first place. So let’s define that.
In these difficult economic times, we’ve all learned to distinguish between wants and needs. This distinction should be a serious consideration in dating as well.
If you’re in the need to be with someone category – stop dating now! You’ll only attract temporary relationships based on superficial desires. Being held is great, but that won’t endure the tests of time. If you don’t have anything substantial to offer, you’ll be either used or dumped quickly. Too many of us believe that finding someone will provide all we lack in our lives. Not true. Only we can do that.
If, however, you’re happy in your life and comfortable with your friends, family, and home, you might want to share it with someone.
If you fit into the want category, here are some not so new hints: 1. Advertise – tell people you know and respect that you’re actively looking to be set up. Yes, blind dates suck, but so do interviews before you land that perfect job. 2. Make eye contact; in the store, at the gas station, etc. If you don’t “see” him/her, you’ll miss an opportunity. 3. Join stuff! COC offers great one-day classes in anything that might interest you. SC Parks/Recreation (www.santa-clarita.com/cityhall/parks/seasons/) offers yoga, karate, dance, cooking, etc. Do it. Do it now. 4. Get out of the house! Walk, drive, meet a friend for a drink.
Mr./Ms. Right won’t just show up at your front door.
If you’re out there bettering yourself, there will be more to share with others. Good luck!
Questions or comments are most welcome. Please email me at writelove@sbcglobal.net .