“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
As we move through our lives we are constantly faced with the dilemma, “Can I forgive and move forward?” Remember, forgiving the person is different than forgiving, excusing or approving of the act. Achieving forgiveness does not mean that we forgive and forget, as our memories are not selective. But, holding on to our anger and resentment is a choice. Are you one of those people who is spending emotional energy on resentment rather than working towards forgiveness? As you read this, consider this question, “Who do I blame for some of my unhappiness?”
Why stay angry? For many people the tendency to stay angry provides a feeling of being in control, or serves as a reason to avoid communication. Others use anger to avoid the feelings underneath the anger, or as an attempt to make others feel guilty. Then there are those whose anger allows them to remain in the role of the victim. If one remains angry and resentful it helps one avoid taking responsibility for their role in what is happening in their life or for expressing what their feelings are. Remember, we are our own worst critics and when we hold on to resentment against ourselves it can be just as damaging as holding onto resentment against someone else. Each of us is responsible for what we see in ourselves and in others.
Healthy relationships are not possible without forgiveness. Eventually, we will all do things that will hurt someone for we are all human; and, we will all need forgiveness from time to time. It is important to deal with our feelings of hurt or harm quickly, so they do not grow and consume us.
If you find that you are in the process of forgiving yourself and need some help in realizing that you are a worthwhile person; or you are consumed with feelings of pain, anger, and grief from someone who has wronged you, and find yourself bringing your anger and bitterness into every relationship or new experience, personal or professional, then perhaps its time to carve out some special time just for you.
For further information, please contact Ann Aronin Hausman at 661-287-0124.