When we picture the best partner, what comes to mind? Is it “what’s the best partner for me?” or “how can I be the best partner?” In reality, if we want a quality partnership, we need to address both, equally. If we don’t bring quality to the relationship or expect people to change to become compatible with us, we will end up being frustrated with the results. Don’t just settle for any relationship; make it a great one.
Before we seek out a partner, we need to address ourselves. Are we whole, self-confident individuals, or do we expect a partner to make us whole? The quality you bring to a relationship will determine the quality you get from the relationship. Learn to meet your own needs, for expecting handouts from others will never help your self-esteem. Make sure that you address multiple dimensions and not expect a partner to be satisfied with just one quality. The more areas you develop in yourself, the less limited your relationship will be. Develop your true assets rather than attempt to be something you’re not, just to win over someone who’s seeking someone different from you.
In seeking a partner, make sure that the two of you are compatible in all areas. Are your expectations of a partner realistic, or do you expect a partner to supplement all your deficiencies? People who feel entitled tend to get less than those who seek no more than they offer, for people get tired of just giving, no matter how much they enjoy giving. When you choose a partner, make sure that this person is attracted to your qualities and won’t be settling or expecting you to change. Are the qualities, that attract you, ones that you will appreciate forever, or are they just right for now? If you have never lived the life your partner is living, you may want to get a good taste of it before committing for life. Don’t assume that you’re flexible enough to accept anything, think it will grow on you or expect your partner to change when you have tired of that lifestyle.
The best relationship requires both being the best partners, with each truly caring about the other’s thoughts, feelings and priorities. Make sure that both regularly address the growth of each individual and the relationship, so you don’t end up growing apart.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.