Are you tired of the character assassination that dominates today’s news? When did it become fashionable to substitute name-calling for facts? Well, before we criticize others, maybe we should take a look at ourselves.
Do you use derogatory words to describe colleagues, competitors, customers, or others? Do you talk behind the backs of friends and family members to others? Do you spread rumors or pass along emails about people or issues you know nothing about?
When you gossip, you are literally killing someone’s reputation. If that isn’t enough, you are simultaneously breaking the sixth, eighth, and ninth Commandments (the ones prohibiting killing/murder, stealing, and bearing false witness); and, you’re perpetuating a culture of cruelty.
Why would anyone engage in such a deplorable pastime? To feel superior? Attract attention? Gain sympathy? If gossip actually delivered any of these payoffs, the benefits would pale by comparison to the damage. And, don’t think you can let yourself off the hook if you are merely a quiet bystander. Remaining silent when someone else engages in character assassination, makes you an accessory to the crime, a co-conspirator to the murder, and an accomplice to the execution.
When you gossip, the unintended victim may actually be you. After all, if someone brings you gossip, don’t you wonder if they are spreading rumors about you? If someone passes secrets to you, can you trust that individual to safeguard your privacy with others? I can’t.
Don’t take this to mean you should conceal unethical or illegal behavior or suffer in silence without seeking counsel. In case you haven’t noticed, gossip is not silent, and spreading rumors is not counseling. Consider these alternatives instead:
• Address concerns directly with those who concern you. Don’t talk behind their back to others.
• Speak for yourself. Don’t speak for anyone else.
• Stick to the issues. Don’t use insults instead of facts.
• Stand up to stop gossip. Don’t let your silence to be mistaken for approval.
• Tell your own story. Don’t steal/distribute stories that don’t belong to you.
• If you need help, ask for it.
When we gossip, with our big mouths wide open, the character we assassinate is certain to be our own!
Call Debbie to schedule a consultation with her for therapy/coaching in Valencia at 661-259-5986 or Encino at 818-385-0550.