When we listen to people addressing issues, negativity seems to be the preferred approach. Is it truly the most effective approach, or do we just mimic the approach of others? Are you more likely to hear the other person when they present a negative or a positive approach? Do you present what you are most receptive to or stick to familiar ineffective patterns?
What we give is what we receive. When we are critical of a negative, we get more of that negative. When we are appreciative of a positive, we get more of that positive. If someone attacks you, your immediate response is to return that attack. When we don’t get what we want or feel we deserve, do we tend to criticize or demand or do we ask ourselves what we can do to nurture the action that we seek?
Negative approaches add stress to people. They complicate our lives and create barriers between people. They lead people to be more cautious and less open and honest. They limit comfort, safety and depth in relationships. The energy required to maintain negative approaches greatly exceeds the energy required to maintain positive approaches. With negativity, we end up feeling drained, exhausted and more alone.
I don’t believe that people choose negativity because they believe it works, but because they see examples of it all around them and don’t feel qualified to use a positive approach. Don’t settle for the familiar, when it is ineffective. Learning to present a positive approach may require an awkward adjustment period, but life sails more smoothly after the transition is made. It’s similar to parents spending significant on-going energy to get their kids to do their chores, when learning how to establish effective discipline from the start will make family interactions smoother and happier. Learning and using effective tools will always make life much easier. It reminds me of my first attempt to rebuild a car engine with only a hammer, screwdriver and pliers. The right tools are definitely worth the investment.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.