This is the month of love. We give our special someone a little reminder that we love them. Unfortunately, we can sometimes forget to remind them during the rest of the year. We fall back into our old habits and forget to take care of our love partnership. We’ve all been there. Our spouse or significant other can even get annoying sometimes, which makes it difficult to express love. At times, couples will go in together to see a mental health professional to help communicate better and get a tune up once in a while. Other times, neither partner gets help and things go from bad to worse. The next thing you know, it’s almost break up time. Procrastination is never a good idea in life, especially in relationships. If one partner isn’t willing to get help, then the other one could take the initiative. Keep in mind that most problems are solvable. Really! They are!
I find that when couples come in together for psychotherapy, especially in the beginning, there’s a lot of bickering going on. There’s a silly blame game that goes on. Both partners try to be the good guy in front of the therapist while blaming the other partner for everything that is wrong in the relationship. It never fails and no one ever “wins” in these kinds of arguments. This is precious time that is wasted. I feel like a referee instead of a psychologist at times. Just remember: feeling vindicated does not mean you will be happy, and after all, isn’t happiness what it’s all about?
Most of the time, it’s a good idea to meet individually even if your partner does not wish to participate. This way, the time can be utilized to learn skills that would enhance the relationship instead of make it worse. Keep in mind that it is possible to change the dynamic of a relationship even if just one person changes their own actions. You have more to gain when you take action earlier rather than later.
Throughout the years I have had the pleasure to work with those married 60-plus years. What’s the secret? Have a great sense of humor. Give up the selfish attitude and embrace a partnership attitude. Spend a lot of time together.
For more information, please contact Dr. Wagner at 661-644-5454.