Looking back on your relationships, what have you learned about yourself and others? Exploration and discovery is a major part of relationships. We begin with nothing other than what we observe around us, but, through our actual experiences, we learn who we are and what is compatible with us. In our early relationships, feeling special to someone is enough to energize us and draw us in. Through their eyes, we discover ourselves, as we’ve never known. They help us to see what they appreciate, allowing us to nurture and develop those qualities. We share new experiences with each other and learn about our likes and dislikes.
As we move on to new relationships, we discover differences between people. We find ourselves gravitating toward certain types (shy, outgoing, playful, athletic, academic, etc.). In time, we discover blends that best bring us what we appreciate, so we focus our sights in that direction.
These discoveries often impact our choices and directions in life. They open our eyes to opportunities we never realized existed. Sometimes, they leave us frustrated or unfulfilled, triggering deeper exploration and discovery in those areas. Better understanding leads us to feel more control over our lives.
Though these discoveries and understandings help us to feel more comfortable with our choices, and ourselves, they can also lead to conflicts. As we focus on what works for us, are we ignoring what works for others? Have we discovered that our greatest pleasure comes from sharing in our partner’s pleasure, or have we learned to grab what we can before it disappears? It feels good to learn about ourselves, but it’s important to learn about others, also. We’ll never be happy in a relationship, focusing only on our needs and desires.
When we learn how to trigger a smile, energize, comfort, play and show our partner that he or she is special; we add greater depth to our relationship, raising the odds that this relationship will continue to grow indefinitely. Love is about what we share, not what we receive. Have you learned the meaning of love? Do you live it?
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.