We’ve all experienced it. That moment at the end of a meal or drink when the server approaches the table and strategically places the bill between you and your new date. Sometimes it’s snatched up before any discomfort can creep into your psyche and disturb an otherwise enjoyable evening. Other times, however, it just sits there, awkwardly demanding attention while defying you to ignore it and carry on gracefully as though there had been no disturbance in the force. So here’s the question of the month….
Who pays?
I’m guessing if you asked people in my age range (old school), the answer would be, more often than not, the man. But when is it comfortable for the woman to pay? Some would say never. Others would argue that if a woman initiates the date, she pays. Or does she?
Traditionally, men have picked up the tab because their employers saw fit to pay them more than their feminine counterparts. That is not always the case anymore. Even in those rare instances when a woman was paid as much or more than a man for the same job, odds were that he wouldn’t ask her out. Women were raised to search for, and date, men above their own status. But things are changing. I recently read that today men are dating up. So I ask again, who pays?
I’ve asked quite a few people for their opinions on this. It turns out that even though some men feel that it would be nice if a woman offers, they would still take the check and pay it, especially during those crucial first two or three dates. There’s a level of discomfort when a woman pays the entire check, yet we’re expected to offer. I always offer. After the second date, if my offer is still refused, I stop offering. After a few more dates, I’ll unexpectedly grab the check, and pay it. This has worked quite well for me, but I rarely date men that earn less than I do. Maybe I just make so little that everyone and their brothers earn more, thereby reducing any potential uneasiness when presented with the dreaded bill.
Here are four common scenarios. I’d like you to answer boy or girl for each and send it to me at the email below. Please state your age and your gender. I will include the statistically insignificant results in May’s column.
Who pays?
1. Boy meets girl (online or in person). Boy asks girl out.
2. Same as above, but girl asks boy out.
3. Boy meets girl in person. After a nice conversation, girl orders a drink at the bar
in front of boy.
4. Special occasion (his birthday, his promotion, etc.). Girl suggests a celebration
dinner.
It’s all just for fun. Let’s see how Santa Clarita feels about picking up the check. I’ll send you my bill later.
Questions/Comments? Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net .