There are so many reasons for why we’re still out there looking for a significant other, even after marriage, divorce, and our forties.
Some of the reasons might be companionship, romance, partnership, friendship, marriage, avoidance of solitude, or all of those combined into one, lovely alliance. But some of us are just out there looking for someone who will listen to us. I’m wondering if it isn’t easier for women to be alone than it is for men. We women have each other. We shop together. We cook together. We can travel, go to movies, stay home on quiet evenings with small groups of friends or other women, go to the gym or the pool or the tennis courts – all together. The only thing missing would be the romance. But the one thing we’re never lacking is having someone in our lives that knows us so well that our needs are anticipated and our words are not only listened to, but heard.
And men? Who hears them? Friends with degrees in psychology? Golfing, basketball or armchair-quarterback buddies? It’s an old cliché that men cut to the chase with answers to problems, but women are more “touchy, feely” and love to talk. Or is it a cliché?
I recently went out with a gentleman that I hadn’t spoken to prior to our meeting. We emailed just a couple of times but, not knowing much about him, I was reluctant to meet. His sweet, good-humored persistence changed my mind, and we met in the bar of a local restaurant. The one picture he sent me didn’t do him justice, and the fact that his pants were pressed and his hair was perfectly combed around his recently shaved face didn’t hurt either! He was handsome and exactly my age, so I assumed we’d have a common past to share with each other to break the ice.
We spent an hour and a half in the bar. I drank my one drink, listening intently to this man tell me of his life, his successes, his plans for future successes. He asked a couple of questions about me, and while I spoke for my allotted time, his eyes were roaming. He even caught sight of someone he knew and stopped me short during my timed response to go say hello. When he returned, my eyes fixed politely back on him as he continued to flaunt his feathers like a peacock. It’s true, I was impressed with his accomplishments, but then he mentioned doing something in this community in an area of my expertise. In fact, I hold a master’s degree in it. When I gave some unsolicited information on the topic, he seemed offended and asked, “Where did you read that? In a magazine?” I watched as his plumage retracted like the Wicked Witch of the West when water hit her. Normally, I would recite my long list of credentials to back my statement, but there seemed to be no need. It wouldn’t have changed a thing. He needed to be all-knowing and always right. I suppose there are men out there who are really looking for a blonde. Moral of the story? If you’re not willing to really listen, don’t meet to talk. Just send your resume.
Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net