On this Independence Day, I find myself thinking about a day when I experienced my own independence and freedom.
I was part of a delegation of college students to spend a year in another country. This would be the first time I lived away from home for more than a week; the first time I traveled outside the State of California (let alone the United States); the first time I boarded an airplane; the first time I would be solely responsible to make my own choices and set my own limits. I was apprehensive; but the lure of freedom and independence was irresistible to me.
Unbeknownst to me, my parents were dealing with their own firsts. This would be the first time a child of theirs would be outside their protective reach; the first time they could not be guiding her or helping her make decisions, the first time they wouldn’t be there to set limits, comfort her, or check up on her. In those days, there was no such thing as email, Skype, or cell phones. Letters took weeks to get to their destinations. Landlines weren’t always available. Getting in touch was difficult at best, and never instantaneous.
I arrived to my host country in July, just days before my birthday, feeling very much alone, and wondering if I had made a huge mistake. When I unpacked my suitcase, I found this letter from mom and dad. It said:
“Happy Birthday darling. We are so proud of you. You are a lovely, kind, bright, capable, intelligent, and responsible young woman. All your life we’ve done our best to prepare you for this moment. We trust you will make wise choices and are able to stand on your own two feet. However, we realize there is one thing we overlooked … we forgot to prepare ourselves to let you go! We already miss you. Be safe. We love you.”
On this Fourth of July, let us not only remember those who help keep our country free, but let’s also think about the young people who are getting ready to embark on their own independence days, and the parents who are preparing to let them go.
Happy Independence Day!
Call Debbie to schedule a consultation for therapy/coaching in Valencia at 661-259-5986 or Encino at 818-385-0550.