This column space usually belongs to Cary Quashen, founder of the ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program, which meets 52 weeks a year at Canyon High School every Tuesday evening. However, today it becomes my space, space to share the importance of seeking help and attending a parent and teen support group.
The teen years are tumultuous at best. Having said that, I can tell you I survived the teen years and raising our two teens wasn’t always easy. And for those of you who know me, many know that with our second teen we found ourselves in crisis. A crisis that turned our lives upside down and honestly, a crisis we weren’t prepared for, a crisis that has changed our lives forever – and that’s not a bad thing.
Recently, a friend asked me how we survived and in unison, Jim (my husband of 37 years) and I replied “we got on the same page” and “bent and broken we walked into the loving arms of a parent and teen support group.”
There I said it, “We couldn’t do it alone.” We needed help. As parents, we were easily caught up in the storm of emotion surrounding our one teen in particular. We expended energy in head butting contests, parent/teacher conferences, court dates, sleepless nights, and endless days of arguments, until were ready to drop from exhaustion, stress, despair, depression, and the hopelessness of our situation. We felt alone and everywhere we looked we saw other parents raising perfect children and perfect families, or so we thought.
We now know many families find themselves in “stormy” situations when their teen goes through the difficult period of development called Adolescence. These crises are often accompanied by rebellion, drug and alcohol abuse and dependency, poor communication, low self-esteem, disrespect for authority, lack of motivation, academic problems and conflicts associated with divorce, death, peer pressure and the stress and strains associated with living in today’s society.
Support groups for parents of unruly teens are full of Moms and Dads who are currently going through the same problems and can empathize. Support groups allow you to vent, feel validated and encouraged, learn and problem-solve, socialize and help others, as well as build and keep realistic hope for the future.
When you tell them, you were frustrated with your child; they will nod in full understanding because they’ve been that frustrated. When you tell them, you don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning; they’ll understand exactly how you feel because they’ve been that depressed. In short, there is little to nothing you can’t tell them that they haven’t experienced or know they may well experience in the future. A particularly good group will make you feel as though you’ve come home to an open and accepting family you never knew existed.
A good support group will also be able to tell you what has and has not worked for them in managing their teens. Brainstorming problems is one of the greatest advantages of being in a support group with other parents. Corporations have departmental meetings where employees working on the same projects get together to identify problem areas and find the best solutions. Think of your support group as the Department of Parenting. From each parent in the group you’ll gain new ideas and insights for helping your teen. They will also give you a podium to voice your frustrations, fears, anger, terror, and last, but not least, your tears.
There is no excuse for not finding help when your family is in crisis. Parenting advice abounds on the Internet, in our churches, temples and schools, as well as from professional counseling services. Here in Santa Clarita the ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program meets every Tuesday evening at Canyon High School. ACTION meetings are free.
What makes the ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program so special? First, it is a parent and teen support group. In one room, ACTION offers parents a safe place to talk, cry, laugh, and to discuss teen behavior with others who offer practical solutions that work. Trained parent group facilitators lead each group.
While parents are meeting in one room, teens attend an ACTION teen group meeting. Growing up in today’s world and making the wrong choices can sometimes be deadly. Teens are faced with pressures and decisions that can be confusing and frustrating at best. The teen group is lead by trained licensed and certified counselors who are experienced in working with young people. ACTION offers a place for teens to learn positive behaviors that work for them. They learn skills to promote healthier and happier lifestyles. Remember there are “no” bad kids, however there are kids who “make” bad choices. Teens learn (with their parents) how to re-integrate themselves back into the family structure in a positive and communicative way.
The ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program also has a 24-hour crisis line, 1-800-FOR TEEN. When one needs immediate crisis intervention, support is there.
Stephanie Weiss is an ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program volunteer and a member of the City of Santa Clarita Mayor’s Blue Ribbon Task Force. For more information, please call ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Program at 661-713-3006.