The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship. – Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
It may be human nature for hope to spring eternal. A year ends – a year begins. We optimistically name the last moments of a year “New Year’s Eve,” choosing to focus on what’s to come rather than dwell on what has been. We adopt adages like “a door opens for every door that shuts,” and “all endings are also beginnings.” The truth, perhaps, is in how much faith a person puts in such ideas. Psychology tells us that perception is more influential than reality.
If that is so, what drives people to wed … and what drives them to divorce? If you marry for love, what happens when the fire begins to cool? If you believe in “happily ever after,” what happens when “life” gets in the way? If you marry for lust, what happens when the newness wears off? Successful marriages (measured by endurance and satisfaction) involve commitment, communication, caring, and compromise.
As life may be defined by death, so divorce may be defined by marriage. Successful divorces (measured by a sense of fairness in the separation and a positive outlook on the future) involve the same characteristics as a successful marriage: commitment, communication, caring and compromise. A divorce can be a re-enactment of the marriage’s shortcomings or an opportunity for rehearsal of a successful future.
When divorce seems the only option, it is wise to review your readiness (see To Divorce Or Not To Divorce, October 2003), examine the options for action (see Divorce and the Fork in the Road, October 2010) and check your attitude for success (see Attitude – Good or Bad – Does It Matter? July 2003).
While marriage tends to be more of an event, divorce is clearly a process. Pre-marital baggage tends to be minimal between the bride and groom, whereas the bags get pretty full during the course of the marriage. Deconstructing years of wedlock take care and attention to get it right. It is a commitment to the final result facilitated by clear communication and the willingness to compromise. Good material to rehearse for the future.
For more information contact the Center for Cooperative Divorce at 1-877-318-2323 or visit us on the web at www.centerforcooperativedivorce.com.