Perfect Mate Wish List
The New Year is upon us and with it, our list of resolutions. Can we put “Find Soul Mate” on that list?
About a year ago I read an article about finding one’s Soul Mate. There was a twist to the traditional views regarding how to go about it. The author believed that if you put your desires on paper, listing every quality you wanted in your Perfect Mate, then took that list and put it away somewhere safe, the powers that monitor this stuff out in the universe would fulfill your wish. Testimonials were written by women who swore that within three to six months of writing their lists they met their perfect mates. For many reasons, this bothers me.
Just last week I read a gentleman’s profile. He stated that he “shops without a list.” His reasoning was that when he holds his list, he tends to find better things that weren’t on it in the first place. I’m guessing he wasn’t referring to groceries. This struck me as a wonderful philosophy to life. We all know what we need, but when it comes to what we want, do we need a list with absolutes?
Rather than write down and look for a person that’s a specific age, height, weight, religion, with a certain occupation, hair/color, zip code, and/or dietary requirement, why not do the opposite? Doesn’t it make more sense to list and eliminate those qualities you absolutely can’t live with, than to try to find someone who fits a pre-shaped mold? Done this way, you open yourself up to more possibilities.
For example, I won’t date someone who isn’t divorced or someone who enjoys fast food on a regular basis. I can’t see myself with someone who isn’t health conscious or healthy. Imagine the opposite: I’m looking for someone who’s been divorced for at least X number of months (or years). I want an organic vegetarian who goes to the gym X number of times a week (or day).
When we get too specific we start to rule out potential mates and we close the door to new opportunities. I have a friend who refuses to go on a second date with a man whose teeth aren’t perfect and white. I have another who won’t date anyone who isn’t within her specific age range… and I mean specific. One or two years in either direction, no matter how wonderful he might be, and she just won’t do it.
Here’s my point (finally, right?) – This New Year, with regard to finding the right person for yourself, make a resolution to be more open-minded, rather than more restricted. Pick five areas that you absolutely won’t bend on, and bend on all the rest. Make this year the open-minded, open arms year, and welcome change, accept diversity, and say “yes” to a date that last year you might have said “no” to. After all, New Year’s come and gone. Who were you with at midnight? Maybe we’ve been doing it all wrong.
Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net