I discussed how adults partying can be unhealthy. Now about the adults who allow their kids to party, sometimes because they feel it’s better the kids do it at home “where it’s safe.” This is not the right message. With teenagers we need to recognize we do not have any control, only influence. We cannot stop them but we can be consistent in our message that we prefer they wait or abstain from drugs/alcohol. We cannot allow kids coming over and smoking/drinking; if you do this you’re not a “cool” parent, but one who fails to recognize your real duty to the kids you love. We don’t have to be uptight about it or angry and we should never try to control them, because it doesn’t work. First we need to set the example and live a mature lifestyle. This means not getting drunk ourselves, even if it’s at a party or a weekend in Vegas. Bottom line: if you do it, they feel they can do it.
You cannot control them or police them. Anyone who has tried knows how ineffective and aggravating this can be. But we can be consistent in our message in our words, actions and house rules. Words: We let them know we don’t like it and believe it’s not in their best interest. That we think they are better than that and they deserve more for themselves. If they insist on partying, we must learn how to influence not control. Let them be open about what they want to do and help them figure out what is responsible and what isn’t. Actions: We don’t do it ourselves; we never drink to excess or frequently. House rules: It is not allowed in our homes, around our homes and our material support for our kids is regulated by their lifestyle choices. If they drink, we do not allow them to drive, but we don’t judge or control their choices. If they have a party lifestyle that overshadows their real goals we let them know our money and time is not going to be available to them, but if they choose more mature living they have our undying support and resources.
If you’d like to know what the right rules and boundaries are for your kids and/or how to get the right communication and influence instead of control, call me for more information.
Scott Spackey is a state Registered Addiction Specialist, Counselor, Interventionist, Life-Coach, Hypnotherapist and Bio-Feedback Technician. For more information, please call 661-299-1966, email: Scott@Life-Mind.com and visit online at www.LIFE-MIND.com.