The kids are back in school and with that comes a lot of worry for many parents. How will they do? Will they be more motivated than they were last year? Less motivated? Is this the year they try pot? Alcohol? Pills? Sex? How do we keep them on track when it always seems like everything we do is met with defiance, apathy or failure? You try everything, right? Reasoning, lecturing, punishing, yelling, backing off, moving forward, incentives? What is the secret?
The secret is a delicate balance of all of the above and the almost perfect ability to be consistent yet able to adapt and change daily. Parents must live and work within contradictions since everything right with teens seems to come out wrong. Adults assume because they are “good people” and successful in life they know what they’re doing and it is the teen that is nuts and incorrigible. It’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. Kids have a way of unintentionally challenging those around them and pushing them to their limits. This is especially true if you’ve made any big blunders in the early years as these mistakes come out in passive aggressive behaviors as teens now can “get back” for their own perceived pain from the past. So, the kids are truly crazy, there’s no doubt about this, but the rest of the equation is that parents need guidance, training and mentoring too. The kids I counsel end up getting better once the parents learn special skills and dynamics to deal with their crazy teen. Parents need the secret formula; that delicate balance previously mentioned. It’s a family affair, not just one for the kids. When suggesting counseling to your teen, ask them if they think you need help and training too! When they roll their eyes, it’s a signal that says “Duh… yeah”!
With a new school year comes a lot of potential for arguing and conflict as you freak out and struggle to keep them going and not screw it all up and they resist all that you advise. Make it easier on the whole family. Get help! Like a student needs tutoring, parents need it too. I am multi-lingual: I speak parent, teen and drug user too. Like an interpreter, I can teach you how to understand what is really going on and what really needs to be done. And I’ve been there: Mine’s 18 (and doing great!).
Scott Spackey is a family counselor, certified life-coach, hypnotherapist, addiction specialist and interventionist. For more information, please call 661-299-1966, visit www.LIFE-MIND.com or email: Scott@Life-Mind.com.