Could you be more vulnerable to having an affair than the person sitting next to you? According to D. Layton-Tholl, over 90 percent of responses to a survey of 4,300 people reported that their affair was based on a lack of emotional fulfillment within their existing relationship, not for sexually motivated reasons. So what do we know about the factors that makes individuals and couples more vulnerable to cheating? Certain professions, life transitions, major stressors, history of sexual abuse or incest, feelings of disillusionment, an authoritarian relationship between the couple, approval seeking, low sexual self-esteem, conflict in the relationship over autonomy and control, fear of conflict due to a family history of severe conflict, and the knowledge that one or more of your parents was unfaithful, are just some of the factors cited in the literature.
You are more vulnerable if your job is a high intensity work setting causing high levels of biochemical brain arousal. Such settings include the entertainment industry, hospital emergency rooms, mental health clinics, military combat zones, clergy, surgeons, cardiology, police, fire, and other positions of authority. Other risk factors are recent job changes, moving to a new city, family or in-law problems, pregnancy, new baby, or unexpected life changes. Resentment arises when expectations are not met in a relationship, especially the expectation that passion remains easily over the long term. Passion must be cultivated to withstand the passage of time and the events that come our way.
The consequences of having an affair usually far outweigh the illusion of those romantic films that are driven by love risk. An affair is a major assault on a relationship and can result in losses of normalcy, innocence of the relationship, safety, privacy, perceived self-worth for the partner, financial security, and overall functioning.
If you have found yourself thinking about having an affair consider the circumstances in your life before you act! Ask yourself why, and consider the consequences which may follow. Are you stressed, lonely, in transition, on vacation, curious, medically fragile, fearful, in crisis, handling difficult problems; reacting to recent trauma or grief, or feeling anxious or out of control? Then you are overdue for getting you and your partner back on track. A couple is two not one!
For more information, please contact Ann Aronin Hausman at 661-287-0124.