What has happened to our ability to relate to others? Our young people grow up in a world of cryptic conversation with texting, tweeting and posts on Facebook being the preferred method of communicating with their friends and family. They are losing the ability to relate to one another face-to-face. These methods are great tools to communicate quickly with someone but cannot replace a true relationship.
In my experience in working with teens, I find they are often left wondering what intent is being conveyed by repeated texts with a winking face or happy face at the end. Is this flirting? Do they intend to ask me out? Should I get my hopes up?
There are many aspects to communicating and relating to another person. True communication involves attending to and understanding the meaning being conveyed by the words of the other person. Vocal tone gives us clues to the feelings and interest of the talker and how important this information is. A person’s body language provides us with additional information as to the person’s comfort with the subject or their impatience with the listener. An active listener checks in with the speaker to assure they understand their intent. This is what makes authentic two-way communication.
In order to truly relate to another person we must be able to identify feelings in one’s self and in others. This helps us to have compassion and empathy for others, rather than just reacting to another person. Taking responsibility for our own feelings helps us to communicate our needs to others without blame. Feelings are what make us human. They should be embraced, not ignored.
Let’s use text and Facebook for the tools they were intended and not a way to replace having a relationship with the important people in our lives.
Laurie Adachi is an Educational Psychologist in private practice in Santa Clarita. She can be reached at 661-255-2688. You may also learn more by visiting www.compassionatesolutionsscv.com.