It seems like only yesterday we were putting away the decorations and making New Year’s resolutions. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa or any other big holiday, the pressure of the season seems magnified compared to other times of the year.
For many people, the stress of the holidays diminishes the joy of the festivities. Preparing the right meal, buying the right gift, can be overwhelming. Truly, don’t you deserve to enjoy the holidays? More importantly, don’t you deserve to enjoy each and every day?
The holiday season is a time when family love, harmony and togetherness are fostered by songs, advertisements and the media. While this may be true for some families, the holidays can also be a period of increased family stress, and a time of false hopes and expectations. It’s a trap many of us fall into – holiday expectations, the should’s and the should not’s of the holiday season – what I expect, what I want and, worse yet, trying to live up to the expectations others have of us as well. Our culture bombards us from all directions with idealized images of the holidays. Additionally, we often carry our childhood holiday expectations forward and pass them on to our children. The reality is, your childhood holidays may have been wonderful because you had no responsibility for making the magic.
When our experiences do not live up to the ideal, we may feel disappointed, upset, or worse. If you have grown-up expectations, you won’t be so disappointed. Developing realistic expectations is one way to avoid the problem.
Being realistic about the holidays is not being cynical. We are in the midst of a joyous and sacred time of the year when our hearts and minds should be filled with love and good will, not the frenzy of the get-it-done or the unrealistic expectations the holidays bring.
Here’s wishing all of you a joyful, relaxed holiday season, filled with love and happiness. Give yourselves a break, delegate some of those holiday details, or better yet allow some of those details to slip by. Being there for your family in a sound mind, body and spirit is ultimately more important.
Cary Quashen is a certified addiction specialist and the founder and president of ACTION Parent & Teen Support Group Programs and ACTION Family Counseling Centers. For further information call 661-297-4660 and visit www.actionfamily.org.