“It’s almost Thanksgiving, I can’t believe he’s not here.”
“I wish I could just cancel Christmas this year.”
“How can I go on without her?”
The empty chair at holiday dinners can cause enormous pain. No matter the number of holidays you’ve endured, they are sad reminders of those we have lost.
“As a society we are not trained or prepared to deal with loss, life’s most predictable event,” said Jeff Zhorne, MA, director of The Grief Recovery Program. Loss includes death, divorce, breakup, loss of a pet, loss of trust and many other types of losses.
Loss causes pain, and because we don’t know how to cope with it, we often bury it. Maybe it’s a sad movie or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer, and slowly you feel your throat tighten. Feelings may bubble to the surface and get lodged there. Many of us push those feelings right back down.
“Buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own,” Zhorne said. “Unresolved grief erupts in unexpected ways, causing depression, addictions, unexplained bad moods and terrible tempers.”
Zhorne said most people don’t realize there’s a way to process their emotions around loss and actually heal once and for all. But there is, and the Before and After difference is striking.
After the deaths of his two children, Jeremy and Amelia, in a tragic auto accident, Zhorne found himself stuck in unbearable pain, isolation and loneliness, even while surrounded by supportive friends and family. He even reached the point of not wanting to be reminded of his children. “The memories were ripping my heart out,” he recounted. “Thanks to grief recovery work, I was able to process what had happened so I could live my life again.”
The more completion work he did, the fewer things were left unfinished and the more he began to cherish fond memories of his children. “They both left a legacy of love, not pain. I started to remember them for the way they lived, not just the way they died,” he explained.
Today, Zhorne finds fulfillment helping others heal from loss through his work as a Certified Grief Recovery counselor.
The Grief Program is offering a free community presentation on the tools and skills needed for working through significant emotional loss at 7 p.m., Thursday, November 14, at the Education Center, Christ Lutheran Church, 25816 N. Tournament Road.
For more information, call 661-733-0692 or visit www.TheGriefProgram.com.