Studies show the average person will encounter 42 potential loss experiences, ranging from loss of job and loss of health to death and divorce, said Jeff Zhorne, MA, a grief counselor and director of The Grief Recovery Program. “If these losses are not resolved appropriately, pain and melancholy begin to erode our mental and physical health and the lives of those around us,” Zhorne said. “Something like a low-grade infection sets in.”
Pain can become so familiar it’s like a family member. We build an identity around our pain. Some people have suffered so many losses they don’t remember why they hurt any more. Loss on top of loss on top of loss, all wound up like a ball of yarn. Along comes another loss, and it’s one more wrap around a huge ball of hurt.
Over time we can start to feel detached or numb. Life doesn’t touch us in the deepest places of our hearts. Some may wake up one day and discover they have shut off feelings completely. Others find themselves stuck: “I can’t get over my wife leaving me” or “My life stopped when he died.”
We get bewildered by not knowing what to do about unresolved pain. It can be confusing and overwhelming.
Zhorne is personally and painfully acquainted with loss. Twenty years ago his two children, ages 4 and 2, died in an auto accident in England. “It was terrifying, I was utterly helpless, I didn’t know where to turn,” Zhorne recounted. People tried to help by offering phrases of supposed comfort such as, “Be grateful you still have your wife,” “It could’ve been worse” and “You just have to let go and move on.”
Let go of what? Move on to where? Zhorne asked.
“I looked everywhere for help,” he related. “Trouble was, most books either told me how I was feeling (I already knew) or offered advice for getting through the day. I tried to intellectualize my grief and think myself into feeling better. But you can’t fix a broken heart with your head.”
After much education and training, and by sheer providence, Zhorne made some incredible discoveries about the process of completion and emotional healing. The result is The Grief Recovery Program. Its mission is to help hurting people heal the emotional pain in relationships that have ended or changed. “This program provides tools to get unstuck and resolve loss sooner and more completely than any method I know,” he said. “It gives hope and a way out of the dark so we can get back to our joy and aliveness.”
The Grief Recovery Program is offering a free community presentation on the tools and skills needed for working through significant emotional loss of any kind at 7 p.m., Thursday, March 27, at the Education Center, Christ Lutheran Church, 25816 N. Tournament Road, Valencia. Call The Grief Program at 661-733-0692 or visit www.TheGriefProgram.com.