It is not merely the amount of communication that needs to be improved in a relationship it is the quality of it. Quality does not simply mean talking about good things, it means having the needed skill to talk about anything that needs to be discussed and doing it strategically, sensitively, responsibly and most of all smartly and effectively. If we are skilled we can talk about anything!
When communicating it is very important to be understood but it is so much more important to not be MIS-understood! This takes skill.
We cannot speak only our own language, we need to be versatile and capable of speaking in terms our child, teen, spouse or co-worker can understand. We need to be able to read their ability to comprehend and be able to select the right words and inferences to get our messages across.
Personal relationships are the most complicated and the most stressful: the ones with our partners, spouses and especially the kids! It often feels like we are literally speaking to each other in a foreign tongue; we don’t understand them and they definitely don’t understand us!
Recently, the city of Santa Clarita asked me about some of the more vital issues I’m faced with as a counselor and what would I recommend attention on. I told them communication. Each day I spend substantial time coaching, counseling and training families and individuals how to improve communication and make peace and harmony and productivity available to us. I am so pleased when I hear and see the improvements after a single session of this topic and training. Few people are wrong in their particular perspective, but instead cannot convey their own feelings and thoughts in a way that can be truly understood. The irony is that nearly everyone has a built in assumption that they are being clear and understandable and so the fault of miscommunication must be in the other person. But when they experiment with the new skills I impart to them they see there was always a lot of room for improvement. If we cannot communicate honestly and sincerely we are lost and worse those we want to love and be loved by are lost as well; especially the kids and teens. Anyone can learn these skills if they only apply themselves.
Scott Spackey is a state certified counselor and coach working with kids, families and individuals for over 10 years.
For more information, please call 661-904-5353, email: Scott@Life-Mind.com and visit www.LIFE-MIND.com.