“It’s almost Thanksgiving, I can’t believe he’s not here.” “I wish I could just cancel Christmas this year.” “How can I go on without her?”
The empty chair at holiday dinners can cause enormous pain. Whether this will be your first, 10th or 50th year without your loved one, holidays are sad reminders of those we have lost.
“As a society we are not trained or prepared to deal with life’s most predictable event and that is loss,” said Jeff Zhorne, MA, a grief counselor. This includes death, divorce, breakup, retirement, empty nest, loss of trust or any of 40 other losses we can expect during our lifetimes.
Zhorne said most people realize the need to resolve their loss issues and work through unfinished emotional business. “But you rarely hear how to actually do that,” he remarked. “How do we end the pain? How can we move out of fear, isolation and confusion?”
Often we simply find ourselves being strong, keeping busy or distracting ourselves away from the pain. “But the pain of loss is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own,” Zhorne said. Unresolved grief affects us negatively. “Sooner or later it will make itself known when you least expect it.” Reactions become disproportionate; our emotional, mental and physical well-being suffers.
After the deaths of his two children in a tragic auto accident, Zhorne found himself stuck in wishing things had been different. The pain, isolation and loneliness were unbearable. An emptiness set in. He even reached the point of not wanting to be reminded of his children.
“I read everything on the grieving process, went to support groups and saw two therapists, but nothing helped,” he recounted. “Until I found Grief Recovery, where I was able to finish what was so I could begin to live with what is. My children left a legacy of love, not pain. Thanks to Grief Recovery, I started to remember them for the way they lived, not the way they died.”
Today as a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, his practice is centered in Santa Clarita. His mission is to guide hurting people through the completion process in relationships that have ended or changed because of death or divorce.
“With the right tools we can learn to cherish fond memories of our loved ones. Sad memories won’t plague us anymore.”
The Grief Recovery Program is offering a free community presentation on the tools and skills needed for working through significant emotional loss at 7 p.m., Thursday, September 11, at the Education Center, Christ Lutheran Church, 25816 N. Tournament Road.
For more information, call 661-733-0692 or visit www.TheGriefProgram.com.