Talking About Grades with Your Children

The end of the quarter is near, which means it’s the perfect time to talk about grades. Some kids stay silent about poor grades while others may have a variety of excuses when asked. Here are a few Dos and Don’ts when talking to your kids about their grades:
• Do review your child’s schedule and grades with them. When you are checking in to see how they are doing this sends the message that education is important and you have high expectations for them.
• Do focus on your child’s effort/progress/learning over the final grade. For a child with a learning disability, a ‘C’ may be their best. Changes or stressors at home or school (i.e. a divorce) may also result in a drop in grades. Children’s self-esteem can drop if they feel that they have to earn all A’s in order to be a “good student.” Putting the emphasis on progress and effort will help boost your child’s self-esteem because they have control over how much effort they put forth.  If they didn’t try their best, help them to reflect and problem solve while keeping the focus moving forward.
• Do not interrogate: Sometimes sitting face-to-face can be intimidating and anxiety-producing. Try waiting until your child is ready to talk and brings up an assignment or test. If they don’t talk about school, then bring it up casually when you are driving in the car, walking the dog, or doing an activity side-by-side.
• Don’t accuse or assume: No one likes to be accused of something, whether it’s true or not. Even if you feel like your child is just being “lazy,” be careful not to assume which could break down that trust and communication. Poor grades could be an indicator of depression or an issue at school (i.e. bullying) and your child may not be telling you everything that is going on. Listen first and show concern. Ask them if something is going on or how you can help.
• Do give them a break. Just like adults like to come home after work and relax for a bit, your child needs some time as well. Also, be careful not to turn every dinner conversation to talk about school. Dinnertime is a great opportunity to talk about fun or exciting things and bond as a family!
If you would like more information about how you can help your child increase their self-esteem and school success, please contact the offices of Dynamic Interventions at 661-257-1254 or at www.dynamicinterventions.net.