Diffusing the Explosive Child

 How do we tell the difference between a child who is simply expressing their disappointment, disagreement or displeasure and one who is being explosive? Where is the line?  “Explosive” behavior is a form of maladaptive behavior that happens when the cognitive demands being placed on the person (child or adult) are greater than the person’s ability to cope with them. Common parent reactions include feeling their child is exhibiting the behavior on purpose or for attention, or that they must be doing something wrong as parents. This is not always the case. Let’s start by looking at the behavior a new way – that all behavior is communication. Each behavior is telling us something. Our job is to figure out what that “something” is.
Some experts believe that explosive behavior is not a choice, but a skill deficit in flexibility and frustration tolerance. How we choose to explain the behavior drives how we intervene. Following this theory then, we must consider challenges in a child’s development of self-control, as well as the many factors that influence his/her overall adjustment (including risk factors within the child him/herself, family, social group or community).  Other considerations include difficulties in the following processing areas: planning and organization, processing language, regulating emotions, flexibility in thinking, and social skills.
Various behavioral strategies may work, such as reward and punishment, consequences, behavior contracts, behavior charting, and/or managing parent reactions and behavior. However, what if those interventions don’t work? Other strategies include matching explanations to the child/family, teaching specific skills in deficit areas, increased effective family communication, and Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS). CPS offers three different “plans”. One, addressing your concern as parent (power struggle). Two, addressing the child’s concern (walking on egg shells and/or dropping the expectation all together). And three, parent and child brainstorming solutions together (both concerns are addressed here). The third “plan” takes longer, but has more lasting effects.
No matter which situation reflects what you are observing in your child, consider starting the new year with a new outlook on what the behavior tells you. Take a minute to be aware of how you are reacting to your child, and when telling him/her what not to do, consider also stating what to do instead. Finding ways to make your child feel special and boost effective communication between you will help diffuse explosions. Give it a try!
If you would like further information on dealing with explosive behavior, contact the offices of Dynamic Interventions at 661-257-1254 to speak with a Licensed Educational Psychologist.