What Your Hairdresser Can Teach You About Relationships

 Is your stylist actually a therapist who cuts hair? Could be! It seems they know a lot of the best qualities that are essential to relationship success. Here are a few.
1. She (or he) listens well.
The first thing a hairdresser does when you come through the door is sit you down for a consult. “What are we doing today?” “What do you want?” Without question, listening is the most important contribution you make to your relationship. Your insight doesn’t create a relationship. Your understanding does, so get confident you’re on the same page.
2. She’s accepting
Your description of the style you want is tortured and vague. (“Short but longish.”) You may not know the latest salon lingo. Your stylist accepts your feeble efforts, and doesn’t ridicule, interrupt or get exasperated. She just perseveres and works with you. In your relationship, your partner’s current communication may be equally pitiful, but don’t let it drive you crazy. It may genuinely be the best he can do – today. Persevere. Work with him.
3. She thinks long term
It’ll grow back. Maybe the exact color or cut isn’t possible right now, but your hairstylist can shape things so you can “grow into it.” Just like we grow into our new relationship roles. Today is not the be-all or the end-all. People grow, relationships progress. Don’t overplay today at the expense of tomorrow. Give your relationship, like your hair, time to grow.
4. She understands your past.
You’ve done some bad things. Cutting, coloring out of frustration or foolishness. Those embarrassing, and unbecoming choices have left your hair a wreck. Fortunately for you, he/she begins right where you are. No scolding or repercussions. A criticism-free zone helps you both move on from stupid mistakes.
5. She wants you at your best
Nothing’s like a “good hair day.” When you look fabulous, your hairdresser feels great.  Your hairdresser invests in you, not just herself. Likewise, in your relationship, give some priority to your partner’s goals and desires. Let him be wrong without your correction. Let him be right without resenting it. Like your stylist, learn to cultivate a truly mutual point of view.
If you’d like more help with your relationships, call! I’m at 661-259-4620.  Marymargaret Parker is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Valencia.