The Holiday Season Begins with a Scream Halloween Planning for the Divorced or Separated

No, the screaming isn’t from you or your child. Maybe it is because Halloween is the first of the fall holiday season you are about to be dealing with holidays and the children. After Halloween comes Thanksgiving followed by Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza and then the New Year. So, I think the idea of starting it out with a holiday based on make believe costumes and candy isn’t the worst to begin with after all?
What can you do to ease into the first big shared holiday?
• Plan ahead. Communicate with your child’s other parent about the upcoming holiday. Does the Parenting Plan account for Halloween? Is your ex available to go trick or treating this year? Is there an opportunity to adjust the schedule? Whatever the final decision, don’t put the kids in the middle or leave it to the last minute. Maybe try doing it together if the kids are still young and you can get along for a few hours.
• Share the night and have twice the fun! If you and your ex live in different neighborhoods, make arrangements to have your child(ren) split the evening and trick or treat in both neighborhoods! The kids won’t say, “NO!” to double the candy!
• Blended Family? Who says you can’t do things together? Okay, so maybe it’s a little awkward to stroll around the neighborhood with your ex and his/her new spouse, but think about the message you will send your children: We love you. We are committed to you. We can put our issues aside for your benefit. And as an added bonus, you get to have chocolate with your wine later that evening!
• Not quite ready to be an Instagram Family? Split the holiday into separate events. If your situation simply does not allow for co-parenting, think about spending Mischief Night (October 30th) with one parent, and Halloween Night (October 31st) with the other. Costume shop or carve pumpkins with one parent, and decorate the house or trick-or-treat with the other.
• Spending the Night Alone? If none of the above will really work for your circumstance, and you find yourself planning on a quiet night with the lights off, let your children know that you’re OKAY! Don’t amp-up on your own loneliness, or that you will miss them so much while they’re out trick or treating and you’ll be all alone. Let your treat be giving them the knowledge and comfort that you’re having a fun evening too!
Lastly, a word of advice: Don’t ask your children with whom or where they would like to spend Halloween. Your kids don’t need or want the pressures associated with having to choose. Assume that under different circumstances, your children would want to be together with both of their parents at the same time… and then work from there.
For more information and to schedule your free consultation, please call The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com. Mr. Chroman is a Trusted Advisor Award Winner and named Top 100 California Attorney’s with over 20 years of experience and local service. You can purchase Mr. Chroman’s best-selling Divorce Workbook at:www.amazon.com/Preparing-Divorce.