Listening to Your Child’s Behavior

 All behavior is communication – infants crying for food or comfort, a child suddenly finding an urgent need for parent attention when the phone rings, the adolescent who takes the car without permission, and the parent who takes out their frustration of a long day at work on their family. Each behavior says something valuable to the “listener”. Observing behavior is a wonderful way to understand what might be going on with your child.
Some children have no trouble telling you all about what’s making them happy or bothering them terribly. Not all parents are so lucky. For children who have language and communication disorders, or emotional challenges that get in the way of them verbalizing their needs, an important tool for parents is to pay close attention to what the behaviors are saying. Each and every behavior (positive or negative; appropriate or inappropriate) has a purpose and function for the child. The gauge for many parents is how much the behaviors impact the day-to-day function of the child and/or the family.
Some common possible behavior meanings:
• Yelling – frustration and/or anger
• Acting out in the classroom – child may prefer being in trouble for behavior rather than letting others see academic challenge or failure
• Crying – sadness, anxiety and/or frustration with school and/or family, peer stressors
• Withdrawal – general depressive symptoms, negative feelings toward/unresolved issues with those in the room
• Sabotaging success –fear of leaving a state of comfort and self-worth
• Cutting – anxiety and need for release
• Defiance – feelings of anger, hurt, humiliation, irritation and/or rage at the person in authority
The parent’s job is to work to decode the behavior in order to understand why the behavior is happening. This task is often easier said than done, especially because of the emotional component. When the parent does not understand why a behavior is happening, it may feel like the child is “out of control” because there seems to be no “getting through” to the child. Looking closely at his world, and building a stronger communication channel with your child by allowing him to share (verbally or otherwise) what’s on his mind with sincere interest, without judgment, or interruption is a place to start.
If you would like more information or have concerns about your child, please contact Dynamic Interventions at 661-257-1254, or visit us on the web at www.dynamicinterventions.com.