Families First-Keys to Successful Family Functioning: Communication – Part one of three

 Effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Research identifies communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships.
Family Communication
Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, (1993). Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say.
Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.
Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.
Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990). In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981).
Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children.
Instrumental and Affective Communication
Communication can be divided into two different areas: instrumental and affective. Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfill common family functions (e.g., telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location). Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (e.g., sadness, anger, joy).
Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication. Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas.
Clear vs. Masked and Direct vs. Indirect Communication
Communication can be clear or masked and direct or indirect (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, 1993). Clear communication occurs when messages are spoken plainly and the content is easily understood by other family members. Masked communication occurs when the message is muddied or vague.
Communication is direct if the person spoken to is the person for whom the message is intended. In contrast, communication is indirect if the message is not directed to the person for whom it is intended.
Four Styles of Communication
Epstein et al. (1993) have identified the following four styles of communication.
1. Clear and Direct Communication
Clear and direct communication is the most-healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member. An example of this style of communication is when a father, disappointed about his son failing to complete his chore, states, “Son, I’m disappointed that you forgot to take out the trash today without my having to remind you.”
2. Clear and Indirect Communication
In this second style of communication, the message is clear, but it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended. Using the previous example, the father might say, “It’s disappointing when people forget to complete their chores.” In this message the son may not know that his father is referring to him.
3. Masked and Direct Communication
Masked and direct communication occurs when the content of the message is unclear, but directed to the appropriate family member. The father in our example may say something like, “Son, people just don’t work as hard as they used to.”
4. Masked and Indirect Communication
Masked and indirect communication occurs when both the message and intended recipient are unclear. In unhealthy family relationships, communication tends to be very masked and indirect. An example of this type of communication might be the father stating, “The youth of today are very lazy.”
Look for part two of this article focusing on Keys to Building Effective Family Communication in the May issue of The Magazine of Santa Clarita.
References (Reviewed by Novella Ruffin, Extension Specialist, Virginia State University)
Epstein, N. B. Bishop, D., Ryan, C., Miller, & Keitner, G., (1993). The McMaster Model View of Healthy Family Functioning. In Froma Walsh (Eds.), Normal Family Processes (pp. 138-160). The Guilford Press: New York/London.
Gottman, J.M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Graham, E., & Crossan, C. (1996). Too much to do, too little time. Wall Street Journal, March 8, R1-R4.
Markman, H. J. (1981). Prediction of marital distress: A 5-year follow-up. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49, 760-762.
Noller, P., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (1990). Marital communication in the eighties. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 832-843.