Laughing with Di – August 2018

This is my tribute and heartfelt thanks to the staff at Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital (HMNH), who recently helped me regain my health. In the last six months, I found my way to the HMNH three times. My medical conditions were life-threatening, so I understand the seriousness of illness in a hospital environment.
Even during my scariest medical moments, I found that humor finds its way into our lives. I hope this makes you smile…
Ambulance rides to the Emergency Room – and before formal hand-off to hospital staff – the EMTs strike the pose: arms down, hands clutching wrists as if to say, “nothing is going to hurt you tonight; not on our watch.” (Yes, it’s from A Few Good Men. I couldn’t resist). Kudos to EMTs.
ERs need not be frightening. What I found at HMNH were up-beat, efficient, knowledgeable staff whose main intent was to make me feel at ease. They were quick about getting information, making decisions about my care, and made it happen. I was actually reluctant to leave when released to a room.
Transporters are probably not the most recognized department at HMNH but you need to get from here to there. They show up, know where you are going and get you there in record time — always with a smile.
I was a “Fall Risk”. This means being in an “evil” bed with an alarm that glows red in the dark just to let you know, that it knows, you are going to try to escape. My inner rebel had the devilish urge (is it just me?) to slide over, sneak the big toe over the edge, followed by the other toes, try to dangle a leg until the prison break siren went off!
Let’s call one’s hospital room the 3B’s area (“blankets, beeping, bedpans”).
Blankets…These are a mystery to me. I was amazed by how they could get so messed, crumpled and spun around. A Nursing Assistant could come in and fix the bed and make everything neat and tidy in a flash.
I became fond of the housekeepers, who would always retrieve things dropped on the floor. The kitchen staff were the happy folks who took your meal orders and always tried to accommodate patients’ food idiosyncrasies.
Beeps…Poles (not folks born in Poland), are remarkable objects containing plugs; clamps, wheels, hooks, gadgets, I.V. bags, alarms, ergo, a breeding ground for beeping sounds. You cannot avoid the sounds produced by poles, just as patients cannot avoid the fact they will never forget their name or birth date!
Bedpans…When you need one, use it, and call for its removal, you realize that the staff do things every day that you would turn away from in disgust.
I received a complimentary amenities bag. It is a thoughtful gift because when you are alone, away from your comfort zone, and in need of a warm fuzzy, the contents do the trick. I suggest it is way better than the swag bags presenters at Award Shows receive.
The day of discharge, when I was “unplugged” from “the pole” I was able to take a lovely walk around the halls, outdoor garden, visit the gift shop, then promptly got lost! I was retrieved by friendly faces and was promptly helped back to my room.
The most important reason, in my opinion, why HMNH’s has achieved a four-star rating is the “secret stash of snacks”, like crumbled graham crackers over ice cream, but I’ll never reveal its location!
I met some wonderful people at HMNH. I thank them all.