Why Do I Feel So Numb?

“Our first, most spontaneous response to pain and suffering is to avoid it, to keep it at arm’s length; to ignore, circumvent or deny it,” wrote the late author Henri Nouwen. “Suffering—be it physical, mental or emotional—is almost always experienced as an unwelcome intrusion into our lives, something that should not be there.”
Some believe the solution is simply talking about their loss and grief issues. But if talking were enough to resolve unresolved loss experiences, you could get your BFF, go to Starbucks and tell the whole unabridged version of what happened. Talking may help for a minute, but the pain always seems to snap back like a rubber band.
We can continue to stuff the feelings, shove them away or medicate ourselves until the losses become an ever-growing weight being carried around. Hurting people often check out, turn off and tune out. Over time we can start to feel numb. Life doesn’t touch us in the deepest places of our hearts.
Some may wake up one day and discover they have shut off feelings completely. Pain becomes like an unwelcome family member with “I can’t get over my husband leaving me” or “My life stopped when she died.”
How do we end the isolation, loneliness and numbness? Healing starts by learning to express all the thoughts and emotions connected with loss. Maybe it’s regret—wishing things had been different, better or more. Or grieving the loss of unrealized hopes, dreams and expectations.
The key is communicating the undelivered emotional truth in an atmosphere of respect, dignity and safety, without judgment, criticism or evaluation. We cannot offload the weight of unresolved grief without this type of acceptance; we can only shift the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other.
Grief Recovery’s step-by-step method helps those stuck in heartbreak and confusion to move beyond loss by completing incomplete emotional relationships. It is about feeling better, more alive and fulfilled.
For the past 25 years, Jeff Zhorne, M.A., Grief Recovery Counselor, has offered workshops and counseling for those suffering the pain of loss. For more information call 661-733-0692.