Being The Hero To Others In Need

The events of November 14, 2019 in Santa Clarita at Saugus High School echo daily throughout our community and are referenced by many of our Insight families as a tragic reminder of the frequency of school shootings in the United States which have created a tremendous impact to our country. It is clear that each member of the Saugus High School community carries with them painful memories of that day. Counselors and mental health professionals have shared ways to discuss and think about the events but many individuals are struggling to understand how to process how these school shootings occur and what could be done to prevent them in the future. It could be argued that many, upon hearing of the events at Saugus High, struggled with feelings of helplessness and anger toward the perpetrator and the ease in which unregistered firearms are accessible in our society. However, in our work with individuals at Insight, a consistent theme is repeated in their sadness; a wish for a hero to have come and rescued the victims and a sadness that our society does not have such a hero.
The shooting impacted me as a psychologist with over 30 years of clinical experience and parent of two wonderful sons tremendously. I found myself struggling to understand the needless deaths and reflected upon the parents at Insight I have seen who suffered the loss of children to different causes. I thought about how much pain the parents of the teens impacted by the shooting must be experiencing and how much I yearned to provide some solace and compassion to them. As a parent, I held my children a bit longer and found myself unable to explain to them why these school shootings kept happening. It was upon this struggle that my younger son remarked to me, “I wish that super-heroes were real, they could have helped, they are brave and courageous, and could have made a difference”.
It was at that moment that I realized that this tragedy, this awful, horrible occurrence could be a catalyst toward change. A catalyst toward a greater understanding of how, within each individual, one can access the hero within. How each person could look within themselves and grasp the aspects of their soul that could reach out and hold someone that they see falling behind and needing help. It is through this idea that Insight Treatment Centers is built; community is the foundation of growth and support. You see, our society seems to marginalize those who are different or need assistance and pushes them away from the group. We go to great lengths to present otherwise but when we take an objective look at the manner in which we think about and process individuals with emotional and/or cognitive struggles, it is clear that we will move away rather than toward those that are different and often miss the signs of struggling. I would propose, no implore, that the events at Saugus be seen as a way to understand that there are those in our community that suffer in silence and cannot obtain the help that they so desperately need. By finding a hero inside of ourselves, I think that we can reach out to those that need our hands and hold those that try to push us away. At Insight, our clients that are struggling with mental health issues and substance abuse often report feeling that had felt before coming to us that they had no option but to turn away and hide their feelings for fear of being taunted and teased by peers.
As parents, I believe that it is our role to demonstrate to our children how to be heroes as well. How to sit with a friend at school who has no friends and what a difference it makes in another persons’ life to ask the question, “how are you feeling today and can I help make your day better”. I think that by teaching our children to be everyday heroes and to reach out to each other and support each other, we can help those children and adolescents struggling with dark thoughts and feelings get the help that they so desperately need.
The events at Saugus High School were horrible. If I was a superhero, I wish that I could somehow turn back time and stop what happened. The realization that I cannot leaves me with sadness. However, I realize that my son had a truly wonderful idea. That each of us could be the hero that he was describing to me that day. That each of us could reach out our hand and hold the person next to us and say, “I’m here if you want to talk and if I can’t help, I can help you find someone that can”. Sometimes that is what will make a difference and help someone who suffers in silence to get the help they need and perhaps heal the wounds that many still carry inside from that tragic day in November.
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