As the New Year begins, people make resolutions to alter their lives. Most don’t follow through on these resolutions. How can we motivate ourselves to make these adjustments permanent?
The first problem is focusing on denying ourselves something. We do things to meet our needs. Our needs are generally more motivating than our changes. Identify the need that the old behavior attempts to meet. If our need isn’t effectively met by the new behavior, we’re likely to return to our old behavior, even if it wasn’t totally effective. Our needs must be addressed if we expect long-term change. Replace rather than deny.
The next problem is focusing on eliminating negative rather than developing positive. Identify your future goals, focusing on opportunities, not obstacles. You’re more likely to accomplish something if you have a clear picture of the future you want. By focusing on eliminating negative, you’ll just see more negatives and feel stuck in your battle to eliminate them, impeding progress. Look ahead, not back.
The next problem is having unrealistic expectations. The main unrealistic expectation is expecting others to change. Focus only on things within your control. Seek alternatives to your approach to effect change rather than criticize others. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Divide the goal into manageable sections. Be realistic.
The next problem is holding onto the familiar as our comfort zone. Create a new comfort zone rather than hold onto a pattern that has little likelihood of long-term effectiveness. Make your goal comfortable rather than a chore. A team effort becomes a support system that helps us through the awkwardness of changing our patterns. Even chores can be enjoyable when shared with someone we care about. The statement “No pain, no gain” may actually increase our chances of giving up quickly and/or easily. Seek a new comfortable equilibrium rather than instability or discomfort.
Finally, make sure that your resolution is based on what you believe is right for you, not on changes others are pressuring you to make. Self-motivated change is more likely to succeed.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.