Did you realize that an attitude of helplessness can lead to anxiety and depression? As you might expect, people who are generally passive and “let life happen to them” are at a higher risk for feeling helpless than those that believe they have some control over their own destiny. Seeing yourself as a “loser” or a failure can lead to an attitude of helplessness. Given the stressors of 2010, feeling powerless may be more common than you think, but reaching out to others can really help! The connection between feelings of helplessness and depression has been well-established. Quiet and/or self-sufficient people who do not tend to ask for help are at a higher risk for depression than those who reach out for support. Women tend to experience depression as feelings of loneliness and helplessness, and want reassurance from others; while men report depression as related to self-criticism and the failure to live up to expectations. Men are more inclined to think that if all goes well they will not experience major unhappiness, yet women expect to be happy, leaving them open to greater disappointment and more vulnerable to depression.
An attitude of helplessness can develop as a way to cope with difficult or abusive circumstances. For example, an abuse victim may learn to remain passive and compliant, since efforts to fight back or escape appear futile. Unfortunately, mothers who feel helpless can pass this quality on to their children. Another example is that of a child who fails repeatedly in school and eventually stops trying, convinced that there is nothing he or she can do to succeed.
If someone close to you is feeling helpless or depressed, you can help them by listening without being judgmental, lending moral support by spending time with them such as sharing meals, movies, shopping or a visit to the park, telling them that you care, and offering practical alternatives for dealing with problems. It is really important to avoid telling a depressed person to “get over it,” “cheer up,” or “snap out of it.” They may feel that you do not believe they are depressed or that they are being a burden to you. An offer to go with your friend or family member to their initial therapy appointment may help them take an important first step to feeling better in 2010!
For further information, please contact Ann Aronin Hausman with Compassionate Solutions at 661-287-0124.