Love is beautiful and painful.
In childhood, our best friend moves away. How did we spend our last moments together?
As a teen, our first love moves on, continuing his/her search for self-discovery. Did we focus on our loss, angry at being abandoned, or did we thank that person for sharing wonderful moments, wishing our best in the explorations and discoveries that lie ahead?
As a soldier, we receive a Dear John letter stating that the distance is too much to bear, a closer relationship needed. Were we sensitive to the other’s pain, or just our own? Did we accuse our beloved of betrayal, or did we wish that person a life of love and happiness?
Our child prepares to leave home, filled with mixed emotions of loss of security and excitement about the future. Did we reinforce dependency to hold on, or were we happy, knowing that our child is prepared for the adventures that lay ahead?
Our dog ages. We observe hind leg instability and decreasing eyesight, while continuing to see bursts of puppy play, love and energy. Did we focus on our approaching loss, doing all in our power to delay the inevitable, as the quality of life deteriorated, or did we show appreciation for all the love shared during our time together?
Our partner nears the end of his or her days, not wanting to leave, but too tired and in too much pain to continue the struggle. Did we hold on, saying we weren’t ready to be alone, or did we show compassion for that person’s pain and struggle and give permission to let go?
We tend to focus on our future, losing sight of the value of the present. Making the most of the present, while cherishing the memories of the past, makes love experiences beautiful. Do we care enough to want the other to experience happiness or peace, or do we think only of ourselves? Personal pain can block our ability to address our desires for the other. By focusing on the other’s feelings, the moments we share, along with our lives, have greater meaning and happiness.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.