Although there is no definitive answer to that question, I believe the biggest problem is lack of true intimacy. I believe they never learned intimacy and/or they chose a partner who never learned. As a result, they entered a relationship with someone that wasn’t capable of loving them or they weren’t capable of loving their partner.
What caused this breakdown? Think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. At the lowest level is basic survival. Many children grow up in some state of emotional and/or physical deprivation and are forced to resort to survival instincts. They lie, steal, or cheat to get their emotional and/ or physical needs met developing dysfunctional behavioral patterns. Think of the young girl who doesn’t receive attention from her alcoholic father turning to inappropriate men incapable of validating her. Or a child whose family never paid attention to him, so he develops a tendency to make up elaborate fictional stories to receive the attention he desperately needed.
These emotional behavioral patterns don’t disappear. Instead, these two people grow up entering relationships resorting to the same basic survival skills in order to achieve the love they never received. Unfortunately, they don’t realize that they’re replaying their same emotional behavioral patterns.
We call these people survivors. In order to change, they must realize what occurred by turning off those survivor skills and learning to thrive in intimate relationships. However, in order to thrive they have to understand that their dysfunctional behavioral patterns will not work in their current lives. For many people in relationships, it has felt like they’ve been hitting a brick wall over and over feeling helpless and frustrated.
Through couple’s therapy, you can learn strategies to help work through issues you have both as individuals and/or as a couple. A primary key to your success is healthy communication. The therapist’s job is to understand your communication breakdown and change it.
Whether you’re a survivor or a couple looking to improve communication at Goodman Therapy, we’re equipped to handle your situation. What separates us from other therapists is our outstanding responsiveness and commitment. We operate around the clock providing the services to accommodate anyone’s schedule. The therapists here are experienced and dedicated, whether returning a message or responding by email. Contact us today for a free first session.
For more information, please contact Goodman Therapy at 661-932-8200 or 323-839-9874. You may also email: Donaldgoodman05@aol.com.