The clock was ticking. She got to Starbucks a couple of minutes early, totally expecting him to be there. She scanned the padded wrought iron chairs surrounding the fountain. The place was packed for a Saturday morning. Couples, kids, dogs – there was even a bird sitting on a woman’s shoulder. But she didn’t see him. She went inside and glanced at every man in the café on her way to the counter. Nothing. So she ordered her drink and secured a seat outside with clear view of the parking lot.
She called me on her cell. How long should she wait, she asked? Her thinking was that once she saw that he wasn’t there, and the agreed upon (and confirmed) time had come and gone, she shouldn’t have even sat down. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think a woman meeting a man for the first time should ever have to wait. Is it ever okay to be late on a first date?
Invariably, she said, she had found herself hoping he wouldn’t show up. She’d been tremendously reluctant to meet with him anyway, but found herself attracted to his picture. All of her warning signals had gone off with this one but, still, she ignored them. He originally said he was recently divorced. That, in itself, was a blaring siren: Danger! Danger! (Can you just envision the robot from Lost in Space?) But even that would have been better than the confession when she asked “How recently?” The reality was he was separated. It didn’t matter that it’s been for two whole years. I reminded her of the man I dated who said he was divorcing. What he really meant was that he was still only separated, but his definition of separated was that his wife got the bedroom and he was on the couch! She decided to give him an entire ten minutes.
He emailed her later and told her that even though it was his day off, there had been an emergency at work. He apologized for being ten minutes late. However, when my friend had finally decided to leave, he was already ten minutes late. Another inconsistency? Or just another lucky turn for her?
So the question remains – How long should you wait for a first date? Remember the rules in college? If the professor didn’t show up within the first ten minutes, you were free to go without penalty. Shouldn’t a gentleman always be there well in advance of his date? If we say 3 p.m. as a meeting time, is 3:02 acceptable? My feeling is that a gentleman should be standing at the front entrance (not sitting) 10 to 15 minutes before the agreed upon time. And, with a completely one-sided opinion, a lady should never be more than five minutes late. Never. However, I will add that making a gentleman wait a minute or two is acceptable, almost expected. Women who show up too early are deemed desperate. Women who show up too late are inconsiderate. We have a smaller margin of error. But a gentleman, by definition, should always be early.
Questions/comments? Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net