It used to be: Boy meets girl. He sees her from across the room and decides right then and there that he has to meet her. Perhaps it’s the way she smiles, or carries herself? Maybe there’s something in her laugh, or a special glint in her eye? It could even be the way she touches her hair (FYI: It’s a psychological fact that a woman will often touch, play with or adjust her hair when she knows she’s being watched by an interested man). He either crosses the room or finds a mutual friend for an introduction. A conversation ensues and, before parting, phone numbers are exchanged and plans are made to get together for a “date.”
Today – Boy sees girl’s profile picture and, maybe, even reads her information. Boy sends generic message of interest to girl. If she responds kindly, he asks her out for Starbuck’s (there’s even a Starbuck’s Finder app. for our phones!). A Starbuck’s date is, essentially, an interview. It has no resemblance to an actual date. Coffee is not a date.
The coffee meeting is the most commonly acceptable form of the first “non-date,” the interview. It’s short. How long could it possibly take to drink a cup of coffee, 45 to 60 minutes? And, you can suck it down in 15 if you’re miserable! It is non-threatening – a public place, casual dress, inexpensive, etc., and it’s convenient – 75 Starbuck’s within a five-mile radius of where you’re sitting as you read this. Starbuck’s also lends itself to other possibilities. If coffee works out well, there’s always the option of turning the interview into an actual date and grabbing a bite to eat, or going for a walk.
But what do you say to someone who asks you out on a real date for the first meeting? And not just a regular real date – I’m talking the works!
A couple of months ago I met someone online. Emails and phone conversations went well, but only lasted a few days before he asked me to meet him. Do I like music, he asked. I do! Do I like Jackson Browne, he asked. I used to! Well, he said, JB is playing at the Greek this weekend, would I like to go?
We calculate these things in our heads, don’t we? A two-hour concert, but with loud music so that if there’s no connection, the venue would provide the distraction. Okay, I said. I’d love to! But wait… there’s more!
He suggested dinner first. We’d meet at the restaurant, eat and get shuttled over to the Greek and back. Dinner and a concert. A real date. More calculations: Dinner, an hour. A round trip shuttle ride, 20 minutes. The concert, two hours. We had spoken on the phone just a few times, but he was very pleasant and sweet. I liked him so far. Why would I say no? Are we all so afraid of investing our precious time with someone when, after all, being online is eating up so much of our time already?
I said yes, and had one of the best first dates I’d ever experienced. Aaahhhh, chances. Take a few.
Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net