Have you ever tried to lose weight, quit smoking, spend less, refrain from drinking, stop gambling, or say “no” to drugs? Have you ever attempted to transform a feeling, improve a relationship, modify your point of view, or alter your circumstances? Have you ever promised to stop cheating, control your anger, or to stop tolerating a bad situation, only to find yourself apologizing or making excuses yet again?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you aren’t alone. All my clients – frankly, everybody I know and myself as well – seek change of some kind. Whether we hope to change a thought, a feeling, or a behavior, every change is intended to make things better – to avoid some sort of pain or to experience some kind of pleasure. Unfortunately, for many of us, the change we seek, while vitally important, can be mysteriously elusive.
Nike, Inc. sponsored an advertising campaign encouraging us to “just do it.” Nancy Reagan is credited with telling us to “just say no.” If only it were that easy! Many have tried to white knuckle “it,” to say no to “it,” to just do “it,” only to find themselves knee deep in “it” yet again. The change we can believe in requires dedication, cooperation, good judgment, impulse control, and so much more. As a therapist and coach, the most heart-wrenching thing for me to witness is the devastating blow to a person’s self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect when they fail to realize the change they seek one more time.
I know from personal change trials and tribulations that the intention to think, feel, or be different, while important, is not enough. Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying are not enough. Encouragement is not enough. To achieve change, we need all of the above plus the right timing, the right tools, the right skills, and the right conditions too.
Can you make change? According to Robert C. Gallagher, “change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” In my opinion, for most of us, it seems it is easier to complain than to change!
Call Debbie to schedule a consultation for therapy/coaching in Valencia at 661-259-5986 or in Encino at 818-385-0550.