Remember that childhood jingle “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me?” You would sing it with such conviction, using it as a shield to keep their words from penetrating too deeply. And when your friends (or enemies) did hurt your feelings, you would either lash out or just try to pretend it wasn’t really that bad. Why should they know you were crying on the inside?
As a child you learned that the world and the people in it could hurt you. People either let you down or failed to follow-through. Maybe someone close to you abandoned you through accidental death, disability, divorce, or suicide. Perhaps you were victimized by a sibling, an alcoholic parent, or a mentally ill family member. Whatever hurt is part of your story, know that you’re not alone – we’re all hurt along the way. While sometimes it’s just hurt feelings, at other times, we carry with us a deeper sense of shame, violation or betrayal. And, sometimes the hurt we carry seems completely unbearable.
Letting people know our true feelings of sorrow, pain, or hurt may seem like an invitation to more of the same. We may fear that if we honestly expressed our pain, we might be rejected, ridiculed, or despised. We worry that we might not be able to function like we normally do if we let it all out. So we hide the hurt in our work or our business, we disguise it in anger, we disengage from meaningful relationships, or we get a divorce so we can find someone who really cares.
What have you done with all of your hurts? Have you simply tried to pretend they never really happened? Have you created a pretend “self” for the world to see and accept, while on the inside you are miserable? Have you hidden the hurt behind some maladaptive behavior like lying, anxiety, or excessive drinking? Have you ever considered talking about those hurts with someone who really cares and can help you find a way out?
Maybe it’s time for you to begin the journey to healing. Maybe it’s time to restore joy and hope in your life. Just like I have helped many others recover and heal from past hurts, I can help you too. Give me a call and find out for yourself. You really can be free of the hurt that so easily entangles.
Debbie Reed, M.S., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Santa Clarita. She is dedicated to helping children, adolescents, and adults overcome life’s hurts and heal broken hearts. If you or someone you know would like some additional help with overcoming hurt, please call Debbie at 661-287-4243 to schedule an appointment.