In the canceled television drama, “Alias,” one of the characters chases after an ancient formula that promises immortality. In his pursuit, he becomes willing to betray his associates, his friends, his wife and ultimately his own daughter. In the end, he obtains his immortality, but his methods land him in a virtual tomb from which there is no escape and where he must spend eternity alive and alone.
He is consumed by his fear of death. He loses concern for those around him and isn’t aware of the damage he brings them and ultimately himself. There is a lesson in this story for couples in the process of divorce.
One of the most difficult tasks in divorce is dividing the financial pie. Few families can continue, at least in the short run, with the same standard of living enjoyed as an intact family. The danger is being driven by fear of financial shortages or anger and resentment toward their soon-to-be former partner. Too often the, “I’m going to get as much of the pie as I can,” attitude fills the plates of lawyers, forensic experts and even psychologists. In the end, the best piece of the pie is gone.
An unfortunate fact is that each partner will be poorer than they were during the marriage. The good news is that couples who work together can minimize the pain by planning. With the help of experts, couples can map out all the financial holdings of the family, recognize the future basic needs of each family member and develop a strategy that makes the most efficient use of resources.
When partners look out for themselves as well as the other partner, the results promote healing and open the door to hope. Once there is an agreement, each partner will know exactly where they stand financially and what they need to do to begin the next chapter of their lives.
An example of California law that seeks to have couples share financial burdens equitably is the formula for child support. There are two components. The first calculates the total family income allocable to care of the children. The second determines how much one parent pays the other in order to meet the needs determined from the first step. In other words, the first question is, “What do the children need financially?” The second asks, “How can that need be met?” Long term successful financial planning in divorce asks the same questions, “What do we need and how can we best meet those needs?”
For more information contact the Center for Cooperative Divorce at (661) 255-9348 or visit us online at www.centerforcooperativedivorce.com.