Relationships will be stronger, healthier and more enjoyable when they are based on mutual respect. However, many children, adolescents and adults often lack the communication skills to share their wants, needs, ideas and feelings accurately and responsibly. Effective communication skills are key to developing and maintaining long-lasting relationships. Reacting to others in a defensive or aggressive way is often the only way that people have learned to respond and can lead to feelings of worthlessness, guilt, anger at self and others and powerlessness. Unfortunately, being a good listener, showing respect for ourselves and others, having self-confidence, knowing how to stand up for ourselves and communication skills are not always included in our childhood lessons. But just think it is never too late to change and grow.
Our attitudes, communication styles and behaviors are in our control, but sometimes a mentor or guide is helpful to remind us to be aware of what you say, how you say it and where and when you say it. For example, it is better not to confront someone in front of other people. Using a calm, sincere and steady voice that expresses caring instead of a whiny, sarcastic or threatening voice can make the difference between someone listening to you or simply tuning you out. Communicating through criticism only results in causing hurt, destroying relationships and is most often met with anger and resentment. Using positive means of communicating promotes friendship and change and expresses respect for the other person.
Remember, you are worthy and have something important to offer to all of the relationships in your life. Everybody has the right to express their feelings and opinions, however, there must be balance. People who choose to retreat and avoid communicating their feelings in a healthy way tend to get walked over, blow up at their children when they are angry at someone else and never get their own needs met. Yet, if people frequently confront others in a negative way they risk losing friends and close relationships, as few people may dare to be around them. Learning balance in the way you communicate is critical to creating and keeping those relationships that are near and dear to us. We all have room to grow.
Ann Aronin Hausman is a Marriage and Family Therapist and an Educational Psychologist.
For more information, please call 661-287-0124.