People enter therapy for many reasons, some more likely to result in success. Who will be impacted by your therapy results? Are you considering their feelings and desires? Is your goal short-term or long-term? Where will it take you long-term? Will the results build your self-confidence or lead you to feel more insecure and dependent? Are your goals truly in everyone’s best interest?
Some people enter therapy with the goal of changing another person. The more we focus on how others should change, the more resistant to change they become and the more resentful they become. When you identify the other person as the problem, you are saying that you have no role in creating or maintaining the problem. This objective rarely results in success.
Some people enter therapy so they can have someone listen to their complaints. This may give you a feeling of temporary relief, but does nothing to change your situation. Your therapist may empathize with you and nurture you, but what has changed in your life? It can be like the alcoholic whose problems disappear while drinking, but hit home harder when he sobers up, as he honestly believed that they were gone or the artist who insists that someone replaced his masterpiece with junk, after coming down from an acid trip. Putting a bandage on your problems won’t make them go away.
Some people enter therapy so they can learn to understand the obstacles that prevent them from meeting their objectives, while acquiring tools that will help them to address their issues more effectively. This focuses on learning from the past, not dwelling on the past, bringing the knowledge forward and leaving the pain behind. This is growth oriented and can be very successful.
Some people enter therapy to discover their true identities. Breaking out of the belief that they must mold themselves into an indoctrinated ideal, they learn to see themselves for the unique, special people they are. By enhancing our true assets, our self-esteem soars and we find ourselves attracting truly compatible partners. This is growth oriented and can be very successful.
Some people enter therapy to fix their relationships, while others seek to enhance their relationships. Enhancement generally results in greater success, as by focusing on problems to be fixed, we end up seeing more problems. If you dig in a garbage pit, you’ll just find more garbage; while walking towards that beautiful forest will leave the garbage behind.
Your objectives will determine your results. Focus on personal growth and you’ll be more likely to experience success.
To discuss this or other issues, Dr. Levine can be reached at 661-251-7748 or 661-269-4704.