“Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?” – Anna and the French Kiss
A difficult issue for some, especially parents when going through a divorce, is what to do with the house. Will uprooting the kids have a negative impact on them? Often in mediation, parents are looking for a solution which involves one parent or the other keeping the family residence.
When one spouse stays in the home after the divorce, both financial and emotional struggles are frequently the issue, whether or not children are involved. The spouse who is leaving the home may struggle with the idea of the ex-spouse ending up with something of “ours.” Even when the value of the home is financially offset in the equal division of the property, it may not feel “fair” since the family residence seems to have a different weight for most people. The value isn’t always shown in the numbers because the emotional price tag cannot be weighed in dollars. What will it be like for the kids to have “mom’s” or “dad’s” house still be the family home? Does that give one parent an unfair advantage moving forward with the kids? Will the kids see that parent as the “primary parent” regardless of the custody agreement?
Another emotional struggle can involve the grief and loss that the person who is leaving the home often feels. The transition, especially when complicated by complex financial arrangements, can be difficult. For example, sometimes an ex-spouse will remain on the home loan because refinancing can be difficult. The “ex” may continue to feel a sense of entitlement to the home, even when the other is entitled to “exclusive occupancy” of the home or becomes the owner.
There are many creative ways to manage the financial issues in separating the family home, but it is also important to understand and address the emotional component. When left unaddressed the unresolved emotional issues often come out in future conflict. Resolution begins when the parties can bring this issue into the open. It provides opportunities to help in mediating the emotional issues in order to make sound decisions in the interest of the family.
For more information contact the Center for Cooperative Divorce at 661-255-9348 or visit us online at www.centerforcooperativedivorce.com.