Remember when mom used to cook your meals, teach you to use the potty or help you pick out what to wear? What happens you have to do the same for your mom? The number of adult children caring for their parents has reached over 44 million. In addition, many are caring for their parents while raising their own children, hence the term “sandwich generation”.
The majority of adults caring for their parents are women. Many of them muddle through the day-to-day realities, putting band-aids on where they can and handling crises as they arise. We are living in a time when people are living longer but with more health ailments. Many of us women did not have role models in caring for the elderly like we had in caring for children. The worst part is many of our parents don’t want our help or don’t want to be a bother. Their need for independence is vital and never did they think they would be leaning on their children for support.
It becomes important to first come to terms with the idea of role reversal. In many ways, you become the mom to your mom (or dad). Many of us have never seen our parents so vulnerable. The pain of watching them deteriorate is real. There may be anger or frustration or a sense of helplessness. Take time to speak with a friend or therapist about the feelings that arise. Join a support group for adult children caring for their parents. Have family meetings to make sure everyone is on the same page.
The fact is, most of us will be caring for an older adult at some point in our life, whether we like it or not. It is important to begin gathering information to prepare yourself. One of the best places to start is the Area Agency on Aging (AAA). Every county has an AAA, which oversees all the state and federal programs on aging. Other resources are available at the Alzheimer’s Association, which provides education information and support groups for any forms of dementia. Many local senior centers provide classes and support groups for adult children caring for your parents. Check your local paper for upcoming classes. Remember, you are not alone, but just one in over 44 million who find themselves becoming mom to their mom.
Diana Melin is one of the owners of Home Care Assistance of Santa Clarita. If you need help becoming mom to your mom, call 661-259-9914 or visit www.HomeCareAssistanceSantaClarita.com.