The end of the school year is coming fast and for adolescents that can mean a lot of stress in the form of finals, SAT exams, finances, prom, work, or transitioning to high school or college. Some of these things may seem small to adults, but to a teen they can be a big deal. Learning how to overcome these stressors will help them to strengthen their problem-solving skills, learn coping strategies, increase their ability to think critically, and better their relationship with you.
The first thing you can do in supporting your adolescent is to validate their feelings. Repeat back what they are saying and assure them that you hear how they are feeling. Teasing them or belittling their thoughts/feelings will not help and it may prompt them to stop communicating with you about important things. Simply listen. This alone may help to reduce some of their stress or anxiety (venting helps!) and sometimes they may be able to problem solve on their own just by talking it out. This also shows them that you are not judging them and will always be there to listen and help.
Help them to brainstorm solutions – don’t offer a solution for them. Between the ages of 13 and 18 the brain is strengthening it’s advanced reasoning abilities (the ability to plan, understand cause and effect, manage impulses). We can help teens grow these skills by talking scenarios through with them. Ask your child questions: How they feel about a situation? Who is involved? What are their options? What might the consequences be? These questions will help them think through the problem, develop their problem-solving skills, and feel that you are listening (and not just another adult who “knows better” which may lead to a dismissal of your suggestion).
When it comes to exams and projects, emphasize their effort, not the end process. Everyone has different skill sets, strengths, and abilities. If you stress that your child should get all A’s and they don’t, that could be devastating to their self-esteem. It may not be possible for them to get A’s in everything, particularly if they have a learning disability or test anxiety. Convey that they should put forth their best effort and be proud of their hard work.
Lastly, help your child to develop healthy coping strategies such as deep breathing, journaling, meditating, exercising, or doing something they enjoy. The end of the school year can be a very stressful time for everyone, but it can also be a time of great growth and learning. All the best!
If you would like more information about how to help your child improve their problem-solving abilities and coping skills or ways to improve communication with your adolescent, please contact the offices of Dynamic Interventions at 661-257-1254 or at www.dynamicinterventions.net.